Posted on December 08 2003
Guiding vs. Sex
#20: You can’t get drunk and guide, period.
#19: Limp rods have no place on the boat.
#18: You do have to hide your fishing magazines from your friends, or at least laugh about how wrong the articles’ authors are.
#17: You would never pay to fish with someone else.
#16: In fact, the 10 commandments were written by guides for guides, and guides have just as hard a time following them. Example: Take one day off a week.
#15: Be very curious about what your angler intends to do with all those video tapes.
#14: Best not to talk about your other clients at all, past or present, escpecially the ones you’ve enjoyed.
#13: Don’t let anyone find out that you let someone you didn’t know, or at least someone one of your clients didn’t know, onto your boat.
#12: You feel guilty all the time about wanting to fish with the really good anglers.
#11: If your regular fishing partner can’t fish with you, they want to know who you fished with, where, and how often you caught fish.
#10: Don’t ever tell anyone you fished by yourself. Client: “What are you? Crazy?”
#9: If you discover that another professional fisherman has somehow gotten on your boat, immediately head to an area that you know is devoid of fish. Never trust anyone.
#8: Sleazy shops always have the best prices and the lowest BS coefficient.
#7: Under no circumstances should you ever mention that you are a guide in public (especially not in bars or restaurants) and remember: fishing jokes are not funny.
#6: Don’t drink out of the same water jug as your client, especially if they are from Hollywood.
#5: There is a very high risk that you will fall in love with the 5:30 AM commentator on the Weather Channel.
#4: If you ever lose or fire a client, you will be asked a thousand questions about why, when and where it happened.
#3: If your partner discovers another sport, you are expected to become as aroused as they are about it.
#2: If you fished on your vacation, always report back that you fished earnestly and without interruption despite having fallen asleep while watching fish rise.
#1: After fishing with you for a while, your partner will excuse themselves to go to the bathroom at all the wrong moments and let slip comments like this: “I’ll be bloody glad when we’ve had enough of this.”
Oh, and the last thing is, “Once a guide, always a guide.”